a lonely planet

[merriweathering]

 i'm an only child. and growing up with parents who worked full-time to make ends meet, i never really wanted to be a bother with any minor inconveniences, so i always kept to myself. 

 

but little me loved to put her thoughts into words, and years later, that's still how i try to express my feelings. 

 

i found comfort in my solitude over the years. i wear my independence proudly, like a badge of honor earned and given by myself, but underneath that, there's still a heart overflowing with feelings that don't really have a proper way of coming out. (the lack of proper coping mechanisms does that to you lol)

 

trying to find a middle ground between showing "too much" or showing nothing at all has been a learning curve, and i still don't feel like i've made a lot of progress, but at least now i can understand these feelings a little better? expressing them though... yeah.

 

my anxiety doesn't help with that either. the thing i asked about whether i should do or not do was something really small, a birthday greeting? but in my head it became a huge deal, endless questions and what ifs running through my mind, and doing it didn't quite ease my mind but it made me feel better. more true to myself, i guess?

 

there's not really a point in this, but if you made it this far, thanks for taking a peek at my real self. i hope march was kinder to you than it was to me, and that april is kind to us all. stay safe and healthy, friends ❤️